How I experienced episodes 3 & 4
When doubt slowly creeps in
The big question during these episodes was actually very simple: which rules really needed to be followed?
After the first rankings, something changed. In the competition, due to increasing pressure, the scores suddenly becoming real, and the realization that elimination was closer. But also in my mind. Where I started the first days with focus and confidence, I now felt something else creeping in: doubt. We were only on day four, but I noticed that fatigue and stress were building up. And with that, the tendency to question everything. My choices, my interpretation, even my own knowledge.
The cityscape challenge
We started with the cityscape challenge. A task that doesn't really suit me. At home, I hardly ever paint cityscapes, and it's not something I derive much pleasure from. That feeling was there from the start.
The instructions didn't make it any easier. We had to work with the Milans' Vivid paints (bright colors), but what exactly did that mean? Did the reference photo also have to be bright and colorful? The photo I had chosen of Eindhoven was not, and I began to doubt if that was the right choice.
This challenge was mainly about technique, wasn't it, not colors? Or was I wrong?
Ultimately, I decided to stick with my original reference. That felt safest at the time. Looking back now, I don't know if that was the smartest choice. But in such a moment, you don't have time to overthink everything endlessly. You make a choice and move on, even if you're not entirely sure.
Feeling freedom and losing it again
The next challenge was the abstract landscape. I felt more at ease with this assignment. I had made abstract landscapes before, and it went well. Colorful, but balanced. So I entered the challenge with more confidence. It felt freer, more intuitive, and I genuinely enjoyed it.
But even there, doubt was never far away.
After the first session, I looked around and saw how others approached the task. Some works had much more recognizable elements. And immediately I started questioning myself again. Was I doing it right? How abstract should it actually be?
It's remarkable how quickly confidence can shift when you see others doing things differently.
Strike a pose
Because I had won the charcoal challenge, I was allowed to choose a piece of fruit first, along with Alexiss. You literally have a split second to decide what's smart. Ultimately, I chose the only orange. I thought this might be a small advantage... but honestly, I don't know if it was.
The task sounded simple: draw your hand and the fruit as realistically as possible.
But it soon became clear that the challenge wasn't just in the drawing, but in everything surrounding it. You have to find a pose that looks good, where the light falls beautifully, and that you can maintain for two hours.
Two hours.
And of course, just as you're finally in a good position, you realize your eraser is still in your pencil case. Not much later, I dropped one of my pencils. And at that moment, you only realize how limited you are when you're not allowed to move.
So I instructed Jake to pick it up for me 😅 All for the challenge, right?
Doubting the rules
Back in the house, the same question kept coming back: was everyone actually following the rules in the same way?
The instructions from the lessons felt clear to me, but during filming, I saw that some people were doing things differently. With the cityscape, for example, I noticed that not everyone had applied the glaze (dark transparent layer) in the same way. During lunch, I even asked about it to check if I had misunderstood something myself.
But there was no clear answer.
And that makes it difficult.
Because as soon as you start to doubt the rules, you also start to doubt yourself.
Am I doing it right?
Or am I missing something?
The real challenge
Looking back now, these episodes weren't just about the technical assignments.
They were about what happens in your head when you're tired, under pressure, and surrounded by others all trying to do the same thing. The conversations in the house, during dinner, the doubts that were shared, and the different interpretations of the same assignment also played a role in this.
Fatigue makes everything heavier. Doubt makes you question choices you would normally make without thinking. And maintaining self-confidence suddenly takes much more energy than before.
That was the real challenge for me during these days.
Not just performing the work, but dealing with everything that was happening inside while I was doing it.
To be continued..
After these episodes, one thing became very clear.
This competition not only tests your technical skills but also your mindset. And from this point on, that mental aspect became at least as important as the painting itself.
To be continued.
Love,
Ellis